7 Tips for Developing Healthy Relationships for Non-Marital Pregnancies
The following is a guest post written by the Maryville University's Online Nursing Program. You can find their Preparing for Pregnancy resource guide here if you are interested in more information on preparing to carry a healthy pregnancy to full term. Although the resource is from the United States and some of the statistics and information may differ in Canada, the general information is useful for exploring and preparing for healthy relationships and pregnancies.
Just a few decades ago, the basic family unit was pretty rigid. Most couples who had children were heterosexual, cisgender, and married. Today, that family structure is far from the only one raising children. We’re in the midst of a radical change, becoming a more progressive society and accepting non-traditional family units more readily.
With that said, there are still some extra obstacles for couples who don’t fit neatly into traditional categories. Today, fewer heterosexual couples are getting married before having children, while same-sex couples are fighting for the right to adopt children or get married globally.
Non-traditional families must deal with a different set of circumstances and challenges than married couples when it comes to parenthood. To overcome and prevent some of these challenges, building a strong relationship and talking over different aspects of parenthood in advance can help to reduce misunderstandings.
The following are seven tips for developing healthy relationships for non-marital pregnancies and adoptions.
1. Commit to Mutual Respect
Tempers can run high during pregnancy and during the first year of caring for a child. Hormones, exhaustion, and other factors can put a strain on a relationship. That’s one of the many reasons it’s so important for couples to commit to mutual respect.
This means thinking about each other’s needs and acting with generosity. It also means talking through things when something isn’t right, instead of harboring resentment and letting things build up. It might seem like a no-brainer, but all healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and commitment.
2. Understand the Legal Ramifications
One of the most significant challenges of having a child outside of the legal structure of marriage is figuring out the legal implications. Some states still have archaic rules, including laws against unmarried couples living together!
While many of these outdated laws are not enforced, they can make legal rights for parents more complicated. So what can you do to make sure that your custody rights are airtight? First, find out what your state laws are. It’s also important to ensure that both parents’ names are listed on the birth certificate.
It can also be a good idea to consult with a lawyer before the baby is born. Understanding your rights as a family will help you navigate any legal challenges that might come up.
3. Agree on Baby's Name Ahead of Time
It’s a lot of fun to pick out baby names, and it’s something you should discuss well in advance of the birth. For unmarried couples or couples who have maintained their names, that includes choosing a last name as well.
There are lots of options. The baby can be given one of the parents’ last names, or their names can be hyphenated. Some parents get more creative, using one last name as a middle name or even merging the two names into a new surname.
4. Establish Your Child's Legal Rights
Many of the legal steps that are taken care of when a child’s parents are married don’t apply to non-marital pregnancies. Unmarried couples need to take precautions to make sure their children’s rights are established.
This is one of the reasons that it’s so crucial to ensure that the birth certificate is completed with the names of both parents as soon as possible after birth. A paternity affidavit is also enough to ensure that your child has rights to government benefits like Social Security survivorship.
5. Be Mindful of Baby’s Special Medical Needs
We know more about infant health today than ever before. Although everyone hopes for a healthy baby, it’s important to understand and discuss the possibility of special medical needs before the baby arrives. Premature babies, birth defects, allergies, and other needs can all be challenging for new parents to deal with and should be discussed in advance.
6. Talk About Finances Before the Baby Arrives
Because unmarried couples don’t get any tax and financial benefits, it’s important to discuss the financial aspects of parenting in advance in order to prevent conflict within the relationship. Only one parent will be able to claim the child as a dependent, and it is typically better for the parent with the higher income to make the claim to maximize benefits. However you decide to share the financial benefits or burdens, make those key decisions early on.
7. Figure out the Family Estate
When a couple is married, dividing up the estate is a little bit simpler. Without those legal frameworks, it can get very tricky. Obviously, no one likes to think about breaking up, but it does happen. To prepare for the worst-case scenario, such as divorce or the death of one parent, get the terms of each person’s estate established before they’re needed.
A Final Tip: Make Sure Mom Takes Care of Herself!
Non-marital pregnancies may involve different legal steps. But when it comes to the biological, it’s all the same. Moms need support to ensure a healthy pregnancy. Both partners should be involved in preparing for the child.
The stigma is falling away for unwed parents. But there are still aspects of non-marital pregnancies that require a bit more thought. Don’t wait until the last moment—start talking about these issues now!
Our centre offers support to those facing an unexpected pregnancy. Our follow up support for those clients who chose to carry to term includes help exploring a parenting plan and long term practical and emotional support for the parenting option. Please contact our centre if you require assistance in exploring a parenting plan or parenting resources.